How (and Why) to Build Relationships as a Teacher
Teachers have been conditioned by the system to forgo building relationships with other teachers. This is a shame, because those relationships can have a powerful effect on teachers - especially New Teachers (NTs).
We learned this firsthand from the summative assessment of our two-year pilot. The relationships that NTs built with their In-Person Mentors (IPMs) and Virtual Instructional Coaches (VICs) meant the NTs didn’t feel alone. In the immediate term, these relationships brought NTs peace of mind, a sense of belonging, and better well-being.
In the long-run, relationships could be what keeps teachers in the profession. In fact, one NT who participated during the second year of our pilot had thought often of leaving. However, she persisted because of the relationships she had cultivated with her IPM, VIC, and colleagues.
Our definition of relationships
We don’t define relationships as buddy-buddy friendships that require teachers to spend time together outside of a school building. Of course, if those genuine friendships form, that’s great!
At ELP, relationships contain three elements:
Intentional - Deliberately get to know and build trust with a fellow teacher, staff member, or leader
Professional - Tap into each other’s knowledge and expertise
Action-oriented - Set professional development goals, discuss specific challenges, or ask for specific support during each conversation
We train our IPMs and VICs around this definition and how to build and maintain relationships. In turn, they bring this knowledge to NTs.
This year, we are taking our focus on relationship building one step further with Cohort Connect. Cohort Connect takes place during the first 10 minutes of every Zoom workshop for coaches. The goal is to build community among participants and increase the number of quality professional relationships they have.
We also think it will serve as another layer in their individual support networks. Many participants are faced with similar challenges in the districts they teach. Being able to connect, share ideas, and share resources with others who understand what you’re going through is invaluable. For now, it is a regional, but as we expand beyond the Midwest, we hope to make it a national community of “educators leading the profession”.
Why relationships benefit ALL teachers
You can only have authentic conversations about the challenges you face if you’re in a trusted relationship with someone and can be vulnerable with them. Once you know your fellow teacher’s story - why they became a teacher, how they keep their students engaged and motivated, etc. - you know that you can learn a lot from their experiences and advice.
The sooner you create those relationships, the sooner you will have meaningful conversations about pedagogy or classroom culture. And you will be more open to and comfortable asking for help.
We fully recognize that creating intentional, professional, and action-oriented relationships are not encouraged or championed in the teaching profession. Teachers also face three other hurdles:
First, you’re pretty isolated from other adults in your classroom (unless you have a paraprofessional in the classroom with you). It’s just you and your students for hours each day.
Second, you’re accustomed to having to check boxes for compliance, and you’re chronically short on time. Most teachers are not in the habit of asking, “How was your weekend?” Therefore, they miss opportunities to build relationships and learn from each other.
Third, you are not taught what a professional relationship is, never mind how to initiate one, enhance it, and sustain it.
How to build and maintain relationships with your peers, staff, and leadership
Relationships with staff members and school leaders are just as important as those with your fellow teachers. Pick one person to get to know better. It could be the head custodian, assistant principal, or a veteran teacher at the same grade level as you.
Ask if they could meet during your lunch period, for coffee before school, or right after school gets out. This doesn’t have to be a long meeting. Ten minutes, 30 minutes - whatever works.
Let them know: “I think we can have more success together by being intentional and getting to know each other.” And during your meeting, ask them open-ended questions:
Why did you become a teacher?
Where did you go to college/university?
Why have you stayed in the profession?
How many years have you been teaching? What grade levels? Schools?
What motivates you to do your best every day?
Build relationships before you need them! If you and your principal have a misunderstanding, it will be much easier to have a follow up conversation if you already have a relationship with them.
We’ll leave you with one final thought from a NT who participated in the program during the 2023-24 school year: